Carbs of the Huge Manatee


Engage in corporate synergy and grow the revenue steam by investing in the Business Expansion Pack 1. Coming Soon!

Black Cards

  • At the company Holiday party I got a bit wasted and attempted __________ with our intern.
    That was written warning #2.
  • I got the job even though my resume listed my last position as “Senior Director of ______________ and ______________.”
  • They described themselves as a startup with _____________ and _____________. This can’t end well.
  • This is Bob in accounting. I need to talk to you about this $1,700 charge for ____________ at Sergio’s House of ____________.
  • We must build on our momentum using broad strategic initiatives while ___________ to become worldclass in __________.
  • When upper management started talking about __________, I had to fight to keep from laughing. Or screaming.

White Cards

  • 66 degrees inside. 96 degrees outside.
  • A winning, aggressive culture that refuses to lose.
  • Beer thirty.
  • Building compelling programs to drive customer and partner success.
  • Emails made solely of buzzwords with no actual semantic content.
  • Having a celebratory potluck because the boss is a cheap fucker who won’t spring for lunch.
  • Hoping that HR doesn’t ever view your IM logs.
  • Increasing e-penetration.
  • Not trying to boil the ocean.
  • Sex in the copy room.
  • Stealing from your co-worker’s personal stash of K-Cups.
  • The five year plan of the week.